I have been so touched by the outpouring of love I've seen over the past couple of weeks. I envisioned this month as a time when I could help to spread awareness of the horrible disease that took my mom from me; you all have helped to turn it into a time of selflessness, of giving, of support, of joy, of action. Those of you who know me personally know that I am rarely without words, but this month I have been speechless many times. Oh, and you also know I never, ever cry or piddle. ;)
Now it's time for me to tell you something about myself. This is hard, so bear with me.
I have a really hard time taking compliments.
When I do giveaways, sometimes it's out of the goodness of my heart, but sometimes it's because it's good, easy advertising.
When I make cause bracelets, it's because I see a need for more awareness. When I sell one, I give a portion of the sale to a charity that corresponds with the cause, because I want to practice what I preach and support research.
When we did Jillian's 30-day shred, I started with you all and gave up during the third week because it was too hard. So when all of you who completed it finished, I couldn't pick just one to receive a bracelet; I was so impressed with all of you that I had to make one for each of you.
Today has been really tough, reading all the stories of women who've lost precious babies. I'm so glad that each of you had a space to share your stories; but again, after reading them all, how could I pick just one person (or 8 people) to give bracelets to? Put yourself in my position; you couldn't have done it, either.
So when I read all the comments on my posts about me being amazing, it makes me cringe. I don't do this for compliments. I don't do this so people will like me. I do it because I feel a tug in my heart to do it, and I've learned to always follow those tugs.
Yes, I feel things very deeply. Yes, I love people with my whole heart. Yes, I have empathy for anyone who is suffering or in pain. But if I could do all of this without my name being attached to it, I wouldn't change a thing, in fact, I'd do more.
A dear friend has tried to teach me that it's hurtful when I don't take compliments in the spirit they're intended, so I'm trying to do better. It's going to take a long time, and it's hard, but I'm working on it.
So here's what I'm asking of you. Tell me thank you, tell me I'm funny, tell me you love me. Tell me how beautiful the bracelets are, tell me how much you want a shirt (you know who you are). Tell me how you support the causes I support. In return I promise I'll take your compliments in the spirit they are intended, and be gracious. And I'll try not to twitch. :)
But I'm not amazing. I'm just doing what I feel in my heart, just like I hope everyone does. If you don't already follow your heart, why not start now? It's never too late.
Thanks for being my frikes. <3